


For the Moment

by NeoVenus22



Category: The Office (US)
Genre: F/M, Porn Battle, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-02-02
Updated: 2010-02-02
Packaged: 2017-10-06 23:18:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 977
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/58820
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NeoVenus22/pseuds/NeoVenus22
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>When she sees Toby's aching expression when he says good morning, it's like looking into a mirror.</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	For the Moment

There's something about Toby that always seems sad. He paints on a good face, but Pam understands all too well what kind of face you have to put on when you spend your days around Michael Scott. Still, there's something about him that makes Pam want to keep her distance. It's like a last grasp for sanity.

But then one day Roy's gone and Jim's gone-gone, and when she sees Toby's aching expression when he says good morning, it's like looking into a mirror.

"Hey, Toby, what are you doing after work?" she asks, and he looks at her with the surprise she herself is feeling.

"Um, nothing."

"Do you want to get dinner with me?"

And for a second there, the smile is genuine.

+

This is not exactly what she wants, Pam is forced to admit to herself, focusing all too intently on the wine menu at the restaurant because she's not sure what to actually _say_ to him. But what she actually wants is... well, she's not sure anymore. She thought it was Roy. For a little bit there, she thought it was Jim. Right now, all she wants is not to go from home to work to home to work to home again, without anything or anybody in between to make it seem worthwhile.

"And you know, there are other things in the world besides paper, right?" says Toby with a jerky, nervous little laugh.

"What?" says Pam without thinking, and regrets it, because his face drops a little when he realizes she wasn't listening. She wracks her brain and recalls that he was telling some little work story. "I mean, right." She leans forward earnestly. "You know, Toby, you could do so much better than Dunder Mifflin. You know, somewhere where they actually appreciate you, and the boss doesn't make horse sounds every time you enter a room."

Toby pulls a face. That had been a particularly brutal week. "You could do better, too," he said. She's not so sure, but she doesn't say anything. "At the very least, you could file a sexual harassment claim."

"It's not so bad," she lies. It's not as though anything would come of it, anyway. It was hard to reprimand a child who didn't understand what he was doing wrong.

"You deserve better," is all he says. The idea, something she's always wondered but never voiced, solidifies and settles in her gut. No one's ever said that to her. Jim might have thought it, but wouldn't dare risk losing the one sane person at work. The thought had probably never occurred to Roy. Pam reaches across the table and lays her hand over his. He has a point. She's not entirely sure of what she wants, but she knows what she deserves.

+

Toby Flenderson in her bed is... unexpected. But nice. She's slightly intoxicated and unsure of herself (and of them), and maybe he knows that a little bit, but he is still treating her as though she's the most amazing thing to happen to him. Like she's the biggest box under the tree at Christmas, and he saved it for last, and wants to both open it as quickly as humanly possible, and make it last. It's nice.

He has a condom tucked in his wallet that only looks a little worn. She's a little surprised to find Toby carrying one at all, he doesn't seem like the type to do the whole 'wishful thinking' thing. Then again, he does seem almost relentlessly responsible. She supposes there's a lot to be said for responsible men. There's also a lot to be said for not thinking about other men when she has the one already here.

It's been a little while, and maybe Pam's kind of forgotten how to do this with another person, so they squirm a little bit and make false starts as they try to figure out the science. He kisses her neck and she closes her eyes. Closing her eyes seems like a very good idea, because actually seeing any of this might be too weird. It's unavoidably awkward, unfortunately, and more than a little clear that neither of them have been engaging in this sort of behavior in awhile. But oh, when he finally fumbles himself to the right location, it feels good. Pam orders her brain to stop thinking, but after a few minutes of this, it stops on her own. It feels stunningly good to have hands on her that aren't her own. She can predict her own movements when she touches herself, and while she can pretend all she wants that it's someone else, it never is. But this is different, exciting, unexpected, and _fun_.

Pam lays her head on his chest after, feels his breathing go from erratic to normal. It's funny, because now things have gone from normal to... well, this, whatever 'this' happens to be, or will be later. But, "This was nice," she says. Maybe it's not the sexiest compliment ever, but there's a lot to be said for nice.

"Yeah," says Toby, "it was great." There's something about his voice, that sadness again, that makes things feel temporary and eternal, all at once. As though this night is just this night, and yet they'll still be the same people for the rest of their lives. Pam thinks for a minute that she could have a future with Toby Flenderson. Maybe she could bring him out of his sadness, because tonight he seemed much less so. But how long can she be someone's savior? So far, she hasn't quite managed to be her own.

But she's not going to think about that now. Tonight was about doing something different and not thinking so much about it. So she curls up closer to her guest and closes her eyes. Let tomorrow deal with the rest.


End file.
